self-image & being kind to urself

 

Lately I've been struggling a bit with self-image. 

I've found myself being both more vain than usual and also being harsher on my looks and on my body.

Looking at pictures of myself from the past makes me feel so much better about myself today in a lot of ways, but also worse in others, if that makes sense. Even just a year ago, I struggled a lot with acne and had just started looking into accutane. Spoiler: it's cleared my skin a lot! but it took a year. I feel a lot more confident now, both bare-skinned and with makeup on, and it's really great. 

On the other hand, I've also gained some weight in the same time and it's hard for me to feel confident going around in the same outfits I used to. Most of my life I've been really skinny, and I was used to hearing comments about it often. I don't feel like I've changed a lot life-style wise anyways, so it's hard knowing I have these new lbs and I'm not super sure why. And also, it's not what most people would consider a lot, so i dont feel like i can really complain, i guess, but still it's been bothering me a lot more than I'd like to admit.

I often find myself getting down about the weight, or feeling embarrassed when people show pictures of me from back when my acne was really bad. But when I really dive into that feeling, I realize that nobody else is thinking those things or judging me for it (and if they are, it's their issue, not mine. I know I wouldn't judge anyone the way I judge myself if the roles were reversed.) Even now, I feel kinda silly writing this all down, even though this is my safe space. I feel like this is really common for women though, we don't often talk about these things and so everyone else looks so great and smiley and put-together, and so we think we're the only ones who go through these things. 

I think the best thing I can do for myself, and the best thing I can recommend for anyone going through anything similar, is just to be kinder and gentler. I don't have a specific method or way about it, but just when I feel myself entering those moments and beginning to get emotional about it or whatever, I gotta remind myself to be kinder. 

It's like what they say: you're the only one who has to live with you for the rest of your life (or something like that). You have to nurture a relationship and feed it often! That includes the one you have with yourself. Nobody wants to be around someone who makes mean jabs at them all day long, so I'm not sure why we do that to ourselves.

This was kinda long! And pretty vulnerable for me... it is late though and we all tend to be more open and honest at the wee hours of the night. 

goodnight, lovelies! 

be kind to urself and you'll bloom like a flower🌷